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Amusing Antidote

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Monthly Horoscopes

You'd be a moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutly true.

 Your parents wanted an abortion.

  You're being followed by the mafia...I'd check my brakes before I got in my car if I were you.

You're gonna die.

   Those weren't cornflakes you ate this morning...

"Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon if strawberry Quik"
                     -Weird Al

    Remember that time when you were three and you asked for a dolly for Christmas and ended up with a severed head? Yeah...I did that. Cause you're a jackass.

        When I think Sagittarius I think of you. Nixon was a Sagittarius..think about that.

   You're nothing but a stupid bull. I hope you wake up with crabs. Dipshit.

   Remember that one-day back in high school when you dropped your diarrhea medicine in the hall? I know I'll never let you live it down.

   You're going to have a syphilis baby.

    You're going to die of venereal disease.

       I was once involved in a conversation with a Capricorn. You have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. So shut up. I hope you get cancer.

Is that a stroller?

Animal Crackers Rule.